Weekend Grocery Shopping Equals...
by Steve West on February 26, 2010
... another encounter with Ugly On A Stick.
I had no idea she was even there until she went out of her way to shout, 'HiiiIIIiiiii' from an aisle away. It took me a few seconds to recognize that she was directing this towards me. I politely nodded back in her direction (always the gentleman) but initiated an avoidance maneuver by taking a hard left down the juice aisle. Avoiding is only delayed since she has the only register open for those of us with more than 10 items. It went something like this:
UOAS: Vegetable crackers? I mean, vegetables are actually in the crackers? That seems kinda lazy.
Me: Actually it's efficient. And I'm told they're brain food.
UOAS: Really?
Me: Yeah, my daughter eats them all the time. Eight years old and she reads Proust at bedtime.
UOAS (eyeing the small amount of grapes I chose): That's not a lot of grapes. Doesn't seem worth it.
Me: Actually, if my daughter eats too many she gets flatulent.
UOAS: What's flatulent?
Me: Cranky.
UOAS: Yeah, I get flatulent after a long shift.
Me: I have no doubt.
UOAS (Eyeing my coupons): I don't use coupons. It's too hard to keep straight how many items I have to buy to use them and I keep forgetting the expiration dates.
Me: I recommend the vegetable crackers.
So, shopping on Fridays goes on the same blacklist as Saturdays. Forewarned is forearmed as the quote goes.
Three Replies to Weekend Grocery Shopping Equals...
Scott Hardie | February 27, 2010
If shitmydadsays can become a sitcom, I'm sure this series can too. Good stuff.
Lori Lancaster | March 3, 2010
[hidden by author request]
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
Take Me Out...
It was baseball night in Bowie. As part of Lauren's tenth birthday celebration, we went to see the Bowie Baysox. Highlights of the evening included: Nearly getting nailed by a foul ball while distracted by getting pizza sauce off my pants. Go »When Fabio Meets Scatological Humor
Mark Longmire hosts an eclectic website. My favorite section is where he re-titles romance novels and photoshops the new title on the cover. Hilarity ensues. Go »Massage This
Recent conversation with Brenda: (After a massage and dinner as a birthday gift from her sister) me: How was everything? Brenda: I'm gonna be sore for the next few days. I made the mistake of asking for medium pressure. Go »Halloween Post #2: Halloween Masks, For Real
No matter how wrinkled I get. No matter how much money I ever make. No matter how desperate I become to restore the perception of my youth. Go »Homecoming
Brenda and I went to closing for our new house today. Everything went smoothly and an hour and a half later I left with the keys in my pocket. We're moving this weekend so I'll be a little scarce here. Go »
Matthew Preston | February 27, 2010
LOL, and I don't use that acronym very often. I just bust out laughing at this post Steve to which my wife called out from downstairs, "What's so funny?!"