"Back when I sold real estate, I used to touch up the houses myself. It was a tough market, there wasn't money to pay for it. Anyway, this one house, I have the damnedest time getting the color in the living room right. It has this ugly buttery yellow paint on the walls. I try adding more white, and it looks like cheese popcorn. I try adding more yellow, and it looks like runny eggs. It's nasty."

"Oof. I can picture that."

"Yeah. So this couple buys the place, and before they move in I tell them I have to work on it a little more. I keep trying different shades and I can't get it right. Finally I run out of time and I hand it over to them, and I keep waiting for them to be pissed about it. One day, the phone rings, and it's the guy who bought it. He says, 'Richard, we have to talk about the paint in the living room.' I swallow and say, 'Yeah?' He says, 'My wife and I LOVE this color. How did you get such a beautiful shade? We want to paint all of the rooms this color. Please tell us where we can buy it.'"


Logical Operator

The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »

Rolling Revisionism

In all of the coverage of the execution of Danny Rolling, I keep reading that he was "Florida's most notorious serial killer since Ted Bundy." (link) Umm... Doesn't anybody remember Aileen Wuornos? Go »

Like That Smash Mouth Song

Dramatic photo of a shuttle docking with the International Space Station, set against the sun: (link) Thanks, Aaron W. Go »

Space Out

As Denise suggested I do, I've gotten partway through the Unsolved Mysteries set on UFOs. (link) It's not my favorite topic, but the show is entertaining no matter what it covers, and they put on a good show. The problem is that most of it is so hard to believe. Go »

Dignity

Headline: Bush wishes Hussein execution was 'more dignified' Somewhere in an alternate universe: It's an election year, the Democratic candidate has just said exactly the same thing, and the Republican Party is ripping him a new asshole the size of Mars. Go »

Manly Pastimes

"So what did you do this weekend?" "I went drag racing." "Really? Go »

Is That a George Lucas Character?

Matthew Preston: "If making up words for directions is wrong, I don't want to be fludoo." Go »